x_moonshine_x: (rupert//thoughtful)
[personal profile] x_moonshine_x
Title: You Look Great When I’m F**ked Up (5/10).
Author: [livejournal.com profile] x_moonshine_x
Pairing: Rupert/Emma.
Rating: R.
Warnings: Real person fiction, lots of angst, depressed!Emma, off the rails!Emma.
Word count: 2,228.
Summary: After a hard day filming, Rupert offers to take a battered and bruised Emma home, ending up with a little more than he bargained for when they get there. On the face of it, it all seems pretty simple, they’ve wanted each other for years, surely this is normal. But, unfortunately, he soon learns that there’s more going on than meets the eye and he's not entirely sure if he's the one Emma should be turning to.
Other Chapters: Here.

You Look Great When I’m F**ked Up
Chapter 5


Eyes closed, head tilted skyward, Emma let the breeze from her electric fan wash over her. The temperature had soared dramatically over the weekend and whenever she got the chance, she ran back to her trailer, locking herself away with the only breeze she’d managed to find.

Since her argument with Rupert on Friday night (well, Saturday morning) she’d barely slept a wink. She had drunk too much also, the alcohol obviously still in her system.

She couldn’t focus on anything, let alone the job she needed to do. Rupert’s questioning glances didn’t help her either. She could see the accusation in his eyes every time she looked his way. It was all such a mess now. Things had actually gotten worse between them over the course of the day.

He first approached her just past eight in the morning, mussed up hair and sleepy eyes.

Their conversation had been very brief, consisting only of him telling her she needed to be on set at nine and that Dan was running late. He said nothing more, didn’t even grace her with a smile. Simply turned on his heel and got as far away from her as he possibly could.

And it hurt like hell, she wouldn’t lie…

After that, Rupert had chosen to leave her well alone, sloping off into a corner once David called time on the scene and hiding behind his mobile phone until they started filming again.

Approaching was out of the question, so back to her trailer she’d gone, curling up on the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest as she cried herself into a false sense of security. She could make the pain stop if she cried hard enough. The dull ache of rejection replaced with a numb pounding in her head. She had forgotten how to deal with reality – how to deal with him.

On the night they slept together, she had been at a particular low. The combination of both working and playing hard had brought her close to breaking point. His concern had been genuine and heartfelt and her feelings for him had clouded her judgement. It had been the wrong time completely and now he wanted in her life, he wanted to help her through the mess she’d made, something Emma really wasn’t ready for just yet.

She didn’t know how to stop anymore. Sure, things had been a little weird on Friday, the way everything had been brought out into the open the way they had, but she had fun with her friends… if other people didn’t get in the way anyway. She wouldn’t have spent so much time with them if she didn’t.

Emma squeezed her eyes tight shut as there came a knock on the door, a kind voice calling out from the other side, ‘We need you on set in fifteen minutes, Emma, honey.’

It was the only thing keeping her going right now, working. She could rely on it, the same repetitive motions, over and over again. Rupert’s presence was no hindrance, not really, just a reassurance that nothing had changed.

But she couldn’t concentrate, not today.

On the walk over to the set, she felt a strange dread begin to consume her. She had no idea if she was doing a good job today or not. David kept giving her odd looks and during takes, Dan would have to nudge her, knock her from the strange trance she kept finding herself in.

Her head was so fuzzy and unfocused, her heart racing each and every time she looked in Rupert’s direction. There he was, the perfect reminded that, yes, she was still alive, she could feel.

When they broke for dinner, Emma swallowed down her pride and tentatively made her way over to where he was stood chatting with Evanna. He turned quickly and she saw his expression change from cheery to downright disappointed the moment he came face-to-face with her. Somehow that hurt more than anything he ever said could. For one of the first times since she’d known him, Rupert didn’t look pleased to see her.

‘Can we talk?’ she queried, her words so quiet she wasn’t sure whether he heard her or not.

‘What did you want to talk about?’ He didn’t look at her as he spoke, his attention focused on the watch he was wearing instead. ‘I think you said pretty much all you wanted to say on Friday.’

Sensing the tension, Evanna quickly made her excuses and skipped off to the canteen. Emma couldn’t help but wish she’d stuck around, she could have used some moral support from another girl.

She hesitated, gaze dropping down to her feet. ‘You what I said was the truth, Rupes,’ she murmured. ‘We are different, we’re--'

‘You’re right,’ he cut her off, quite confidently as well, although there was an edge to his voice that didn’t have her completely convinced. ‘We’re too different to be friends, which leaves us with only one other option, I guess, to be more than that.’

Glancing up at him, she felt her mouth go dry and realised she was actually lost for words now.

‘But I don’t think – no, I know that you don’t want that either, do you?’

Emma shook her head, eyes falling closed as she accepted defeat. ‘No…’ she whispered on a breath. It wasn’t a lie, not really, even though it pained her to say it.

This time he looked at her, but she didn’t see, too consumed by her own despair and regrets. ‘There’s nothing else to say then, right?’ he said, voice void of any kind of emotion now. ‘We’re done?’

The world came crashing down around her faster than she ever thought possible. She’d heard what he said, but understanding what that meant, it was beyond her. Rupert wasn’t the type to just give up was he? Was he? She had known forever that he had a crush on her, yet just recently, his pursuit had ceased. The coy looks he’d give her stopped as quickly as they started. The subtle way he always found a way to touch her somehow, he didn’t do it anymore. In fact, he’d not done it in months.

Sure, she’d never really paid attention before, but that was because it was Rupert. She was so used to him being around that perhaps, just perhaps, she had begun to take him for granted. To simply assume that he would always be around for her to fall back on when her next relationship went wrong was ridiculous. It made sense that eventually he would have tired of it, given her one last chance and then severed all ties.

Emma had officially allowed him to do it, too.

Her life was turning into a movie and she was the popular girl at school, the one who got exactly what was coming to her at the end of the story.

Rupert would always be the good guy, the character the audience could easily identify with. Comical, caring, wore his heart on his sleeve and, stupidly some might say, head over heels in love with her, the popular girl.

She ignored him, naturally, in favour of sticking with the popular guys, the idiots who would only end up breaking her heart and making her look like a complete fool in the end. But she couldn’t help herself, even though she knew how stupid she was being. The popularity contest always, always won out.

They were at completely different ends of the spectrum, yet somehow always managed to meet in the middle… until now.

Emma had been stood alone in the yard for quite some time. Her failure to supply Rupert with an answer had told him exactly what he needed to know and he’d left her there alone.

Overhead storm clouds were gathering, she needed to move, but somehow couldn’t bring herself to do it.

~ * ~

Sat in the canteen, Rupert was doing his best to be British; ignoring the horrific weather and eating chips, covered in lashings of tomato ketchup of course.

Every now and then he would glance to the window and watch the raindrops race down the glass. The heavens had opened up ten minutes ago and as far as he could tell, this storm was not going to let up for quite some time. Members of the crew would dart back and forth, multicoloured umbrellas held high, jackets aloft to protect their precious hair. If he had any choice in the matter, he wasn’t going to move an inch until it stopped.

Opposite him, Evanna was sat staring dreamily out of the window, her chin resting in her hands, blue eyes wide. He couldn’t help the gentle laugh that escaped him at the sight; they could not have cast anyone better if they tried. She was perfect in every single way.

‘I love this weather,’ she supplied eventually. ‘It’s really… pretty.’

Alfie, who had just taken a seat beside her, perked an eyebrow.

‘No, really, I mean it, I do,’ continued Evanna. She hadn’t even looked their way, yet somehow knew exactly how they were going to react and spoke accordingly. ‘When do you suppose we’re going to start filming again? I was hoping to see Katie tonight.’

‘No idea,’ Rupert said, smothering another chip in sauce and idly popping it into his mouth.

‘It’s been a long day today, hasn’t it?’ she remarked. ‘Longer than usual I mean. But perhaps that’s just me.’

Shaking his head, he chipped in with a half-hearted, ‘Not just you.’

‘Oh.’ She smiled brightly and then picked up the apple in front of her, taking a large bite. ‘That’s good.’

Rupert chuckled, nonchalantly picking up a knife and dragging it through the ketchup, patterns forming on his plate as he trailed it around.

Several moments later, Dan flung himself into the chair beside his, knocking the knife from his hand and onto the plate with a loud clatter. They stared at each other in bewilderment at first and then Dan came out with a simple, ‘Hello.’

‘We were just discussing the weather,’ Evanna announced, looking up from her apple.

He nodded thoughtfully, folding his arms on the table top as he reached out and pinched one of Rupert’s chips. ‘Christ, has it really come to that already? Isn’t the weather usually the last month’s topic of conversation? You’ve hit your peak too soon guys.’

‘We weren’t talking about the weather,’ Alfie said then, quite indignantly. ‘We were talking about--’

‘I’m quite sure we were, for a little while at least,’ she argued, apple long forgotten on the table top. ‘Maybe you weren’t, but we definitely were.’ She smiled and returned to gazing out of the window. ‘Is that Emma?’

They’d given up listening to her, so she had to ask at least twice before anyone even realised she was asking a question. Rupert blinked, the words sinking in slowly, and then moved his gaze over to the window once more. Sure enough, there in the middle of the yard in the torrential rain was Emma, stood quite still with her arms wrapped around herself.

No one paid much attention to begin with, they simply watched, but then Alfie cleared his throat and asked, ‘Do you think we should go and get her?’

A silence followed and then the scuffle of people jumping out of their seats. Rupert rather ungracefully managing to fall over his as he grabbed the jacket he had slung over the back of it, but raced for the exit.

When they piled out of the doors, he succeeded in pushing his way to the front, jogging across the muddy ground to where she was stood. Upon reaching her, jacket now draped over his arm, he placed his hands to her face and forced her to look up at him. She was soaked to the bone, as white as a sheet and shivering uncontrollably.

He tried his hardest to ignore the others surrounding them and placed his jacket over her shoulders. ‘Hey Em…’ he tried softly. ‘Wanna come inside?’

As she returned his gaze, Rupert took a step back, dropping his hands down again. Something wasn’t right and he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable in her presence after the conversation they’d had that afternoon. She probably didn’t want him near her at all, so this wouldn’t be helping. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t stand watching her do this to herself. She was in a downward spiral and he had absolutely no clue what to do to help her.

‘Emma? What’s wrong?’

Dan unceremoniously shoved him aside and deciding it wasn’t worth fighting, he moved out of the way, drawing in a hesitant breath.

Around them the rain continued to fall and he could feel her slipping away from him. Yes, he’d pushed her away, perhaps a little further than he planned to, but he didn’t want this. He couldn’t understand this – whatever it was – at all.

He continued to hang back as Dan and the others led her inside, wondering whether it was worth following or not. As soon as one of the crew got involved they’d probably all be told to sod off anyway. Going with them would only be delaying the inevitable. He’d already cut himself loose, there would be no point in confusing her anymore.

.x.

Date: 2009-05-03 05:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chinavagina.livejournal.com
omg this is so good! i really loved this chapter.

Date: 2009-05-03 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cloudysky.livejournal.com
Haha thank you so much! =D

.x.

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